If I Knew Then

If I Knew Then

If I knew then what I know now

It might not have been so easy

To reject you just because

You did everything to please me

If I knew then what I know now

I’d appreciate how rare

It is to find someone in this world

Who honestly and truly cares

The wisdom of years eviscerates fears

Youth has a way of sowing

And so, with hindsight that’s 20/20

I’ll be content with knowing

That someone, somewhere along the way

Loved me for who I was

And treated me the way, it seems,

That now nobody does

You have a life; I’d never dream

Of ruining that, but how

Different things might have been

If I knew then what I know now.

-elocin, 2007

Small

The world is full of small people—

Not little, but small.

The kind who view the world in a box

and choose right and wrong

based on their minimal perception

then force others to conform

to their way of thinking

or else suffer the consequences.

People like this clutter the world

with their petty, diminutive view

of Life the way it ought to be

instead of the way it is.

People like this are hurtful

People like this are wrong

People like this ruin people like us

(if you can be joined

in the group of those

who step back to view the larger picture,

and make appropriate judgments based on facts,

not opinions).

I despise small people

I hurt when they choose to categorize me

It affects me when they judge me

as if I didn’t matter.

Would not the world be better

if everyone expanded

their view in order to avoid

snap judgments and biased opinions?

I think it would

and yet I vow

to allow others their choice

as I would wish to have from them.

Summer Passing

For Anfal.

Summer Passing

My heart cries when summer dies
The autumn winds blow it away
The birds find somewhere else
To build their homes

The flowers—
So beautiful at blooming!—
Wilt and wither with each passing day
Even the sun moves away
Unwilling to weather the cold winter’s blast

I stand at the precipice
Mourning
Tears streaming softly
Silently
Watching Life go on without me
As I tuck you away in my heart

With each beat
With each breath
You live in my life
You live in my love
I carry you with me wherever I go
And when, at last,
I see you again
My joy will be great
But I will know
You’ve been there the whole time.

-2007

Fury

Fury
by elocin

Trickling, seething, dripping
disdain fills my entire being
I feel a wave wash over me
the tide is pulling me in
the dolphins are calling
the seagulls screeching
crying out to me
to join them.
I cannot
stop
myself.
I go willingly,
hopefully, wanting
it to encompass my soul.
Allowing it to fill my body with
red-hot emotion, pushing and pulling
me in until I am over my head and then
I call out—but it is too late. I have succumbed
To the fury inside and it boils over and I scream.

-2004

Poetry

Poetry
by elocin

Often poems are cries of the soul
Tears unshed—
Rerouted
A river of denial
A sea of despair
A shout from the depths of the Earth
An insignificant whisper
Hiding in the trees.

A poem makes you stop
Look
Listen
Hear
Understand the pain
The torment
The fear
And share.

Join in! Look deep—
Peek through the folds
Face down the demons
That life holds
Read with me
Be with me
And I will be with you.

- 2007

Heartsong

Heartsong
by elocin

I sing a song for you
And in it are the words
That no one can quite understand
That no one has yet heard

I sing a song for you
You’re in my every thought
I know I have not met you
And yet you’re in my heart

I sing a song for you
I shout it to the sky
It creeps in quiet moments
It begs to soar and fly

I sing a song for you
My heartsong is the tune
The melody invades my soul
In shades of gray and blue

I sing a song for you
So pure and deep and real
And yet the syllables cannot
Express the way I feel.

Being Productive by Wasting Time

So today, well, actually, for the last few days, I have been working on a project. That in itself makes me productive, right? I mean, if you accomplish something, you are being productive. Well. The jury is still out on that one. So the project I was working on was a music video of one of my favorite TV shows, "The Office." I love Pam and Jim and so made a video of some of their best moments together, including, of course, The Kiss. If you are an Office fan, you know what I am talking about.

Does making a music video count as being productive? I wasted an awful lot of time in front of my computer, hours in fact. So...if I was wasting time, how could I have been being productive? It's a bit of a conundrum. Either way, I am extremely proud of the video, my first attempt at video editing, and whether it is good or not is irrelevant. The important thing is that it is completed. And therein lies the productivity. At least I think.

Couch Potato

So sometimes I have a little trouble getting up off my rear and doing something besides spending hours and hours at the computer. Tonight was not one of those nights. I actually went out, which I do fairly regularly, but usually it is to a movie or someplace else I can sit. However, tonight I was a busy little bee, humming around several activities, and I have to admit, it felt great. First we played a round of miniature golf (not easy with 5 adults, a 3-year-old, a 4-year-old, and a 2-month-old, I have to say). Then we practiced a little at the batting cages. This was entirely necessary since we all had recently joined a softball league at our church, and we desperately needed the practice. I did not do particulary well on either event but had my moments. For example, while playing golf I got a hole in one! I won't tell you that the 3-year-old got two holes-in-one. Ok, I guess I will. It was sad.

So then from there you would think that we would have been done, tired, and ready to space out in front on the TV for a few hours (which we normally would), but we weren't done yet. Oh no. We added two more adults to our group and played two rousing rounds of bowling. I did not break 100, but I came close both times (two 91's). Breaking 100 is always my goal when bowling. Sadly, I rarely reach it. At least I scored higher than the toddlers, although not by much. They did have help, though.

So after all this activity, we went home. To bed, you say? Because surely we were tired? No. We watched a movie.

(It had to happen sometime during the night)

;)

The Chicken and the Buffalo

Hi and thank you for visiting my blog, where I will share some of my poetry as well as various rants and raves as I come across them in life. Here is a recent poem, which I hope you will enjoy and comment on.

The Chicken and the Buffalo
by elocin

We are night and day
and yet
there is something—
a cord—
a wave that crashes over us and we come up laughing.
There should be too many differences
instead
the things we have in common
weave a fabric of friendship—
a patchwork quilt—
a surprising twist to a plot I thought I knew
an unforeseen adventure
to worlds unknown
but now
not unimaginable.